Monday, May 26, 2014

Can't You See I'm Busy?

Happy Memorial Day!  I hope that most of you had the day off.  I hope that most of you were able to spend the day with the ones that you loved and had BBQ's and ran bare foot in the grass or in the beach sand and laughed until you cried.
Towards the end of the night tonight, Harrison gave me a squeeze and said, "Thanks for spending the entire day with me today.  I really appreciate that."  I was both happy and sad about that statement all at the same time.  I was happy because I was able to spend the day with the love of my life.  The WHOLE ENTIRE DAY.  I did not have one single interruption.  I didn't go into work once (OK- I did check my Blackberry a handful of times... but that was all.  I promise).  I didn't have a church thing come up once.  I didn't have to rush here or there once.  We spent the entire day together... just him and I.  I cannot even tell you the last time that happened!  Spending the entire day from the moment we woke up until the moment we went to sleep.  He is laying next to me right now as I type up this post, reading The Complete Short Stories Earnest Hemingway (I mean, come on!  What a sexy thing to be doing).  Anyway.  It has been so nice.  So why was that statement sad to me you might ask?  Because he had to even say it.  I mean, I am so busy.  ALL THE TIME!  I have become a workaholic.  I really have.  I work at least 10+ hours a day.  I have late night commitments that take me away from home until midnight or 1am sometimes.  I am out on events for work on the weekend sometimes two out of four weekends.  And the list goes on.  I was sad that he even needed to say "Thanks for being my wife and spending the time I needed" but I was also happy that we had such a splendid day together.  We shopped, we dined, we caught up on our TV shows (so sad to see Mad Men leave for another year... what the heck is up with that)....

My excuse and justification to everyone for everything is CAN'T YOU SEE I'M BUSY?  It comes out of my mouth far too often.  It comes out of my mouth almost as often as hello or have a nice day or I love you.  Even though this Vine video is supposed to be funny and I laugh my flipping ass (yes I said ass... it is that funny to me) off every time I see it... Sometimes I really do feel this way! (Just an FYI- to turn the sound on, hover over the video and turn the sound on... because the video will just keep looping over and over again).

But really, I feel like people are always like, "Jaala, we need you!" and I am all over here like, "Can't you see I'm busy!?"  It's so not OK anymore.
Harrison and I were having this very conversation over lunch today.  Why do we feel like we HAVE to be busy?  We feel like if we aren't busy we aren't fulfilling some obligation to the world or something.  It's like we are failing someone... who is that someone?  I think it is ourselves.  Because, come on... There really aren't a whole lot of other people (who really matter that is) that really care if we are doing a million other things other than the things that really matter.
I heard this quote the other day that has been playing over and over in my head.  I think it needs to be pinned on everybody's computer monitor, kitchen cabinet, minivan steering wheel, front door, gym bag, brief case (do people even carry those anymore?), vanity, and anywhere else where they will see it in their rushing around...

Just stop it!  Why do we think it is such a great thing to be busy?  We think we will be seen as so much more important if we are busy.  Well guess what.  It's not true.  People don't want to be around you when you're busy.  People want to stop being your friend when you're super busy.  They stop calling because they think they are going to bother you.  They stop inviting you to things because they know they won't fit into your busy lifestyle.  Your family realizes that you won't come home for family events because you are now the workaholic that cares about the career more than the family.  Your marriage begins to suffer because other things get in the way of that most important Earthly relationship.  STOP IT!
Why don't we stop and smell the roses?  I cannot tell you the last time I did that.  It was a long time ago.  Sad, right?  I will do that tomorrow.  I cannot tell you the last time I read a book all the way through.  I have started a few, but stopped just a chapter or two into it because I "got busy".  I have not seen my friends in MONTHS.  I have not been on a bona fide date in MONTHS.  I have not seen my family in almost a year.  All because I am BUSY.
I know I am not the only one.  Life is too short to be busy.  This is the only one we have.  I know I am running myself ragged with working too hard and not loving the ones that I love enough.  So take heed all you BUSY PEOPLE.... take time to breathe.  Take a walk with the ones you love.  Make that phone call on your way home from work (on your hands free device... I don't want you to get a ticket or get into an accident).  Write that hand written note to a friend or family member.  It will mean more to them than you can ever imagine.

Let's become less busy and more normal.  Let's live this life the way that it was meant to be lived... by building up the relationships that make us better people.  Because let's face it.  In the end, that is all we have.  Relationships.  Money and power and work... they don't go with us in the end, but relationships do.  So let's make them the best we can with the time that we have.

Saturday, May 24, 2014

We're Not Broken, Just Bent

The lyrics to this popular song have been swirling through my mind over and over and over the last while.  Maybe not even so much the "We're" part but maybe I want to change it to "I'm".  I'm not broken, just bent.  I just love that line.  I think it is very well written.  How many times do we think we are broken?  How many times do we think we cannot get back up one more time because we are shattered... because we are too damaged from improper care, and neglect (and mostly because of improper care we place upon ourselves), when in fact we are not broken.  We are not shattered. We are not damaged beyond repair.  We are just bent.  We are just in need of a little handling.  A little self-care.
I have taken this to heart in the recent weeks.  I felt like I have reached rock bottom in a sense (as we do at times).  It's the cycle we go through in life.  We are on top of the world and we feel like nothing can touch us or interfere with our pride.  But oh how we are wrong.  When we have attitudes like this, we are quick not to see past the ends of our noses (one of my favorite phrases from Mary Poppins).  We are quickly knocked off of our pedestals and thrown into the mud.  We get dirty, and our designer attitudes quickly turn into thrift store cast offs.  We find ourselves picking ourselves up and starting over.
But remember, we are not broken, just bent!  We can make it!  I can make it!  I am worth it!  I can do this!  I am smart!  I am capable!  Kate Spade said it so well:

I am all of these things!  I get so caught up with the BS and with what everyone else thinks of me and the things that are "not important" that I really loose sight of what IS important.  The things like my well being, my marriage, my religious beliefs, my family, my health, my hobbies, my friends, my vitamin intake, and putting lotion on!  UGH.  Why do I do that!?  I am sure I am not the only one out there.  But I am just going to come out and  say it.
Many of you who have been reading this blog for a number of years might remember my post What If I Stop Running.  Well, it seems like it is getting to that point again.  Time to make some lifestyle changes.

I am excited to start blogging again.  I think it will make me a happier person.  Whatever happened to my New Year's word this year?  What happened to me TRUSTING things?  Trusting myself?  Trusting the people I love?  Trusting God?  It seems like I just started pushing them away.  NO MORE.  It is time to take my life back.  It is time to straighten out the bends.  It is time to TAKE BACK THE NIGHT!

So- here is the "Just Give Me a Reason" video to watch if you want.  First of all... I can't get the song out of my head.  I have been singing it every morning for LITERALLY months.  LITERALLY.  AND- I freaking love P!NK.  I mean- come on.  She is amazing (even though I know Harrison hates her.  Like so much).  Anyway- this is your ear worm for the day!