Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Day in the Life of a Mullet

Alright folks. About a week ago I got an email from yahoo saying that they would be closing Geocities in October so I needed to retrieve all my files and such from my webpage that was hosted there or I would lose them.
You see back before my mission I had a band, and for a while after my mission too. That band was The School Uniforms. Anyway Geocities was a place that hosted webpages for free and actually provided you with quite a few tools to maintain it as well.
At 18 years old I was SUPER into maintaining the webpage so I had quite a few files on there.
At any rate part of the webpage was dedicated to an adventure I had one day when I decided to cut my hair from about chin length to "missionary" length since I was leaving on a mission shortly. And since I didn't want to lose that story to the money hungry dot-com-ers, The following is what that webpage included in pretty much the same format, Begin:

Since I am going on a mission, I had to cut my hair. So I thought I would have a little fun with it. And what better way to have fun with hair than with a mullet. So I woke
up on Monday the 12th of February, took a before picture, and proceded to cut a mullet. the following is an account of the experiences I had on the
darkside of haircuts.

First, Taking A Shower: This was a very interesting experience. All shower taking routines are thrown out the window. It was actually kind of a pain, and it made me wonder
how people do this everyday. Washing and conditioning is very different. The mullet needs the same amount of shampoo and conditioner as the rest of your head.
Rinsing it all out also becomes a challenge. Instead of bending forward, you have to lean backward under the shower, so the mullet doesn't get stuck to your head.
I thought drying would be a rather straight-forward task. I was mistaken. The hair on the top of your head drys much faster than the mullet, so a lot of towel rubbing occurs.
Which could explain why so many mullets have such fluffy plumage. I also noticed that any faces you make, are made about five times uglier because of the mullet.

and now the day begins..
all pictures by Noah K***** except before and after

I had to go to the post office that morning, Incredibly nobody even looked twice at such a beautiful display of winter plumage.

After the post office, I had to go to rite-aid and buy some sunglasses, afterall how can a mullet really express himself with a bare face. While trying on glasses I began
stroking the mullet involuntarily.

The mullet was obviously taking control. I couldn't help but grab my crotch to display my manliness

Displaying it's true prowess,the mullet prompted this cashier to compliment my choice of haircut and sunglasses

I began to jokingly look at playboys, but found myself instinctively drawn to the earlier 80's issues. And thinking that the girls in the new issues were far to modern.

Walking to a pawn shop, I found a can of budwieser. I couldn't help but hope there was a little left.

We went into a pawn shop to look at guitars, but mysteriously the only one I liked, had a picture of a girls butt in see-thru underwear on it.
And when I picked it up to play it all I could play was Black Sabbath and finger-tap solos.

I had a strange craving for something very greasy.

I didn't even know we had a knife store, but somehow I knew right where to go.

Nice Car!

Nicer Car!

Well, that concludes My experience with a mullet. I couldn't handle it's power for another day. It was far too strong for a tried and true coldneck. So I cut it off the next day.
hope you enjoyed it!


Jaala said...

To this day I still laugh my ace off every time I read this!

Geoff Shupe said...


Robyn and Jordan said...

That is AWESOME! I think some of the pictures need to be framed and proudly displayed.

Steph said...

Oh my goodness. Greatest hair post EVER.

"Incredibly nobody even looked twice at such a beautiful display of winter plumage."

You're a master of words, my friend.